for some, 25 may not seem old at all. in fact, i know many people dream of being that young again.
for me, it seems like just last month i was dreaming of turning 21 and how old i thought that was. then suddenly, i’m blowing out candles on a homemade pink lemonade cupcake and thinking… “twenty-five. where did the last four years go??”
my actual birthday weekend (the BiG day being may 20th) was far better than i could have imagined. i won’t lie – i was not thrilled for the date to roll around and had little intentions of making any plans. in my head, it’s just a reminder of how old i am and where i find myself in life. i never pictured it like this, for had you asked me at age 20, “where do you see yourself in five years?”, i had a different vision in mind.
though, for being a few weeks new in town, new faces and a few familiar ones made it a special day. especially chelsea – my blog bestie and now roommate. (check out her adorable cupcakes and set-up. homemade frosting too!)
however, what made my birthday not so dreary, was a surprise that came about a few days before….
i’m cooking some dinner for me and chels on thursday night, when the doorbell rings. standing there is my boyfriend’s best friend and fiance with beautiful flowers in a vase. a huge smile comes over my face as i’m thinking, “these must be from james!” (also given that they had their iphone out recording my reaction). as i’m gawking over my lovely arrangement, stephen remembers he forgot the stuffed animal in the car and left to retrieve it.
still gawking over my flowers, i hear them call me, “Whitney, come look!”…
completely and utterly shocked, i peek around the corner to see stephen carrying my stuffed animal…
i had no idea. at all.
best. birthday surprise. OF ALL T I M E!
having him here to spend my weekend with was more than i could have ever wished for.
i have to say, i feel like the luckiest girl because james is practically perfect in every way.
though, my birthday is over, and now i’m back to dwelling on my “quarter-of-a-century”. thinking about where i’ve been in my past and where i want to go in my future.
yesterday, i had an overwhelming epiphany regarding my divine potential and the person i could BE. my mind went crazy with goals and resolves of the kind of life i wanted and the things i wanted to spend my days doing. so much to do. so much to learn. so much to improve.
today, i feel an overwhelming wave of disappointment and self loathing because of the person i AM and my lack, or more – failure to ever reach my full potential. walking to church by myself this morning bundled up in freezing wind and hail when it’s only days until june (so messed up) really set the mood for a day that can’t seem to keep the tears from flowing.
it’s days like these when i’m glad to be in a place where nobody knows or notices me, but at the same time wishing i had familiar faces around.
i know come tomorrow, i’ll probably be feeling as good as new…but today, i hate twenty-five.
last night i put together this super fab arrangement of freshly cut roses from my friend’s bushes…
…and this morning i woke up to find the big ones completely dead/wilted and about half the others pathetically drooping. how appropriate.
i hope the sun comes out tomorrow.